 George Bernard Shaw offered some deep insight into communication when he said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
Boom! Drop the mic (as the young folk like to say). Communication is a vital life skill. Yet so many people seem incapable of mastering it. If we spend a few moments thinking about it, I am confident we can each recall at least one example when an attempt to communicate with another person has failed miserably. You may think you have conveyed the message clearly, but the other person has received something quite different than intended. Sometimes the misfire results in hilarity. The misunderstanding is identified, everyone has a good laugh, and then you go about the business of trying again. If you are not so lucky, hurt feelings not easily resolved can occur. Maybe the other person does not even tell you they are upset by your words, so you go about life assuming the intended message was received loud and clear. The other person is silently stewing about it, building up resentment. In the workplace, that can lead to an inability to collaborate effectively as a team and lost productivity. Communicating Effectively with a Remote Team Communication already was difficult enough without adding remote working to the equation. Thanks to a global pandemic, remote work is becoming the norm rather than the exception. More companies are embracing the notion of a permanent shift toward permitting employees to work from home according to data from a June 2020 PwC report. That is leaving many businesses wondering how to improve communication with a remote workforce if they struggled with it when their employees were all on-site. Here are some suggestions and practical tips for developing effective remote communication. Tip #1: Pucker up, buttercup When I was in Journalism school, one of the first rules of writing I learned was the K.I.S.S. method. If you are panicking, relax. It does not require you to literally pucker up. K.I.S.S. is short for a basic piece of communication advice: Keep It Simple Stupid. Now, this does not imply that people are too dumb to understand complex thoughts. It is a nod to the way most people choose to communicate with one another. Imagine your coworker sends you a message about a joint project that starts out like this: “In this brief missive, I will explore the rationale for pursuing an economizing of our overheads.” You would probably roll your eyes hard enough to give yourself a concussion. And rightly so. A simple, “I’m working on ways to reduce our costs” would have worked fine. These are what I like to call $25 words. You might think they make you sound all fancy and smart, but they open the door for miscommunication. If you want to reduce the chances of a communication failure, speak (or type) simply. Tip #2: Pick a tool, any tool The average worker spends 2.6 hours each day reading and responding to email. That does not even account for the phone calls, Zoom conferences, and check-ins on Microsoft Teams. With so many new channels of communication available these days, it is easy to get so caught up with checking in that you get nothing else accomplished. Do not go down the rabbit hole of communication when working remotely. Every team needs clear guidelines on preferred methods for relaying information to their coworkers, clients, and management. Chat channels like Slack work great for teams to keep in touch while collaborating on projects or for daily updates on progress. Zoom, Microsoft Teams, and Google Meet are great options for weekly staff meetings. Whatever options you choose, make sure you are not expecting workers to jump from one to the other all day long. Choose specific times – and communication tools – for touching base and reserve the rest of your working hours for attending to work-related tasks. Tip #3: Tone it down With written communication methods – email, chat, text – it is important to follow formatting rules. One of the biggest challenges with this kind of communication is the difficulty in denoting another person’s tone. You may think your words are pleasant and polite, but the person on the other end may interpret them quite differently. There are some things you can do to help lessen confusion.
Tip #4: Watch it, buddy Everybody seems all about video conferencing these days. Videoconferencing services reported upticks in usage since the global pandemic hit earlier this year. Using these platforms to keep in touch with coworkers and clients is an advantage for remote workers. The convenience is not without drawbacks. When we are on video, there is any number of things that can – and usually do – go wrong. From pets and children wandering into the background to embarrassing gaffes when the mic is still live, there is hardly a shortage of examples of videoconferencing gone wrong. Some of these mishaps are out of our control. Others are not. For example, body language. It speaks volumes about how we are feeling whether we mean to convey those feelings or not. Sitting up straight, holding eye contact, and minimizing hand gestures is a great way to keep your body from betraying your private thoughts and feelings. Yes, meetings can be boring. You probably have 20 other things to do. Your job at that moment is to be invested in the conversation. Act accordingly. Tip #5: Break down (on the communication highway) Do not wait until there is a complete breakdown of communication to address any issues. Remote work is challenging, especially for those who are used to an office dynamic. If you find colleagues are not responding in a timely fashion and it is impacting your workflow, take steps to address the breakdown before a complete communication failure occurs. When emails and texts are ignored, pick up the phone and call. Electronic communication is not foolproof. Emails end up in spam and texts sometimes do not get delivered. It can be tempting to rely on the convenience of all these handy new electronic tools, but sometimes, a good old-fashioned phone call is best. As a last resort, reach out to management to help resolve communication failures. The Bottom Line on Remote Communication Communicating remotely is a challenge, but it should never be an excuse for failure. We live in an era of amazing possibilities, with technological advancements and tools designed to facilitate better communication readily at our disposal. It may take some trial and error to find the right fit but committing to a remote communication plan is worth the effort. Need help improving your remote workforce’s communication plan? Reach out to The Write Reflection to schedule your no-obligation consultation with one of our team members today.
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 T.J. likes to daydream. A lot. He gets into trouble for drifting off into his thoughts in the middle of class and frustrates his family with his inability to stay in the moment. For T.J. daydreaming is a coping mechanism. It is how he controls his angry outbursts and feelings of inadequacy, which seem to happen a lot if he spends too much time in the real world.
Author Tim Kostilnik can relate to the main character of his Christian children’s books in The God’sCool Reading Series. The first book, titled “I’m So Angry,” introduces readers to T.J. as a child battling a lot of different feelings he has no idea how to handle. T.J. learns God’s way of dealing with his feelings from his wise Grandpa Sol. Not only did Tim daydream a lot as a child, but he has also struggled with the urge to give in to angry outbursts. “Anger is something I’ve dealt with my entire life, so it was kind of cathartic for me to write this character who is struggling with his anger,” said Kostilnik. “There is a difference between Godly anger and selfish anger. No one told me that when I was a kid. I want to break the cycle by giving kids a story they can relate to with a character who learns this valuable lesson.” “I Hate Myself” is the second book in the God’sCool series. T.J. and his friends all have things that they hate about themselves but never share with anyone. The story describes how they learn to love and accept themselves and see themselves the way that God sees them. The series is geared toward readers in the 9 to 11 age range and includes helpful discussion questions and additional resources for parents. “I wanted families to be able to tackle these problems in a Godly way,” said Kostilnik. “I’m a firm believer that the Bible and God’s word is the way to handle any positive or negative experience. I hope to end the cycle of toxic family traditions concerning child-rearing by providing parents with an alternative resource.” Kostilnik pulls double-duty as the book’s author and illustrator, leaning on his graphic design skills to help bring his stories to life. A total of 12 books are planned for the series, each featuring the same characters introduced in books one and two, with new friends joining in along the way. “I plan to include diverse characters in my books so more children and families can relate to them.” Every book in the series focuses on a specific lesson. The third book, which Kostilnik currently is writing, explores how to handle death from a Godly perspective. He is still fleshing out the details of the story but plans to introduce a soldier as one of the main characters. The goal is to have the third installment in the series available in early 2021. “I Hate Myself” and “I’m So Angry” are available on Amazon.  FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Pittsburgh, PA - August 19, 2020 – Do you sometimes find yourself wishing there was a 25th hour in every day so you could get caught up on everything life throws your way? We are all pressed for time and no matter how much we wish for it we are limited in how many hours a day we can realistically devote to accomplishing tasks. Virtual assistants are a great way to help lessen the burden and free yourself up to enjoy the important things in life, while still tackling your professional goals. The Write Reflection is pleased to announce an expansion of its services to include virtual assistance. Let us help reduce your anxiety with a competent virtual assistant who can help carry the load. Virtual assistance is now available in the following areas:
Virtual assistant services are provided by team member Ann Kerekes, who has more than three decades of administrative experience. She has a proven track record in senior-level support, management, and training. Her key strengths include organizational management, fostering personal relationships, maximizing efficiency, and streamlining processes. “We are extremely excited to add Ann to our team at The Write Reflection,” said Write Reflection CEO and Founder Shari Berg. “She is an ambitious and outgoing professional with a passion for helping others. Ann is a self-motivated and valuable forward-facing asset for any company or organization, and we are excited to be able to offer her services to our clients.” Contact us today to learn more about how Ann can virtually assist you.  Hampton native Lisa Mack-Finn always knew she wanted to write a children’s book. She had a way of putting together words to teach a lesson without it feeling like a lesson – an important technique when your target audience is children.
A former substitute teacher who currently works as the business coordinator for the Pine-Richland Youth Center, Ms. Mack-Finn understands how children think. She knows if you want children to listen, you must speak in a way that makes them feel valued and respected. She had a great idea for a story, which sat in bits and pieces on her computer for a while. It was when she was strolling down the beach in Florida that she proclaimed she would finally finish and publish her book. “Tom, my fiancé, had no idea it was even in the works,” she said. “He loved the idea and from there I began the process of gathering all of those fragments, bits, and pieces to put together.” Those bits and pieces formed the recently released “Hey, Hey! What’d You Say?” a thoughtful book about coping with the mean kid. The book’s characters – a bear, a family of bunnies, and a turtle with glasses – come together to try and figure out why the snake is so mean to everyone. They decide to treat the snake with kindness to get to the bottom of his behavior. It is a different approach than some kids may take with bullies or mean kids, but it is one Ms. Mack-Finn said should be explored more often. “As parents, when we are at home and we hear our child say that there is a mean kid at school, I think our first instinct is to say, ‘Stay away from them! Just walk the other way! Tell a teacher!’ I think we need to try to change that rhetoric a bit.” Although it may be difficult, teaching children to instead show kindness toward a mean kid may make all the difference for that child. “We need to say things like, ‘Have you asked them if they are OK? Have you tried to offer them a place at the table? Could you try once to see if they are tired or having a bad day?’” Ms. Mack-Finn said she realizes that not all kids are going to be friends with each other. “But we should teach them to rule a few things out before just walking away. There is so much healing in words no matter the age.” The hardest part about publishing the story was the layout and design. Using Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing platform was confusing and frustrating. “It would be so much easier with a publisher,” she said. “Who knows? Maybe someday a publisher will find me and scoop me up.” She credits her illustrator, Alicia Georgie, who came up with an amazing cover and illustrations to perfectly match her words. Her editors, Janet Leo and Annie Kirby were crucial in preserving her creativity. Annie is a pro at punctuation and Janet will tell me when something is just off. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.” “Hey, Hey! What’d You Say?” is not Ms. Mack-Finn’s first book. She is the author of “Unknown,” a memoir recounting her recovery from an accidental blow to the head that left her with a severe concussion. It was written to inspire anyone going through a tough time, especially those suffering from brain injuries. “They are life-changing,” she said. “I like to be real in my writing, so you will really see who I am in that book. It’s unedited because I wanted to leave it in the state in which my thoughts streamed.” For her next book, she plans to publish an unfinished fiction novel. “But I have had many ask me to continue writing for children,” she said. “Honestly, I kind of go where the wind takes me and something really needs to strike me creatively to present it for everyone to see.” “Hey, Hey! What’d You Say?” is now available on Amazon.  The 4Ps of #Marketing is crucial to your brand remaining relevant during #covid19. Now is not the time to let your loyal customers forget about your brand.
Whether your business is currently closed due to stay-at-home mandates, or is operating under new guidelines, focus on the third and fourth Ps - Promotion and Place. To focus on #Promotion, craft clear and concise communications for your customers about your plans for reopening or modifications made to the way you usually deliver the products and services they've come to trust. Advertise your brand on high-traffic websites and make good use of social media for lead generation. To focus on Place, consider taking the time to create or redesign your company website to make it more relevant. If you are not already on social media, establish social media accounts, and engage wholeheartedly in #socialmediamarketing. Explore ways to creatively partner with other businesses to promote your brands. Not sure where to start with a #marketingstrategy? Reach out to The Write Reflection today to help guide you through the process. By Shari Berg
It seems like years since college students were hanging out with their friends on campus, attending lectures and brainstorming with classmates on group projects. In reality, it has been about six weeks since most college campuses ordered students off-campus, relegating them to remote learning for the remainder of the semester. College students used to the crowded lecture halls and packed classrooms are scrambling to maintain work productivity from the confines of their off-campus homes. Some are doing better with it than others. And, just like their K-12 counterparts, some colleges and universities were ill-prepared to engage in remote learning. Chris F., a first-year student attending a private research university, said the transition to online courses has been very difficult for him given his area of concentration. “Industrial design is such a collaborative major and career,” he said, which does not translate well into online learning. Chris said he understands the transition to online teaching is a difficult process – especially when done without the benefit of much time to prepare in advance – but he is disappointed in the difference between what he is now receiving online versus what he was receiving in the classroom. “The hardest part of the transition to online courses has been receiving feedback on projects,” he said. “In a studio atmosphere, you are constantly receiving critique that is needed to improve as a designer. Now, feedback is only given at the end of the process.” Minor Adjustments To compensate for the fact that he is not receiving the ongoing feedback in the classroom, Chris has turned to his online design community for collaboration. He has used the online community when previously working on side projects and creative experiments in the past as has found it a tremendous resource. “I have been able to talk with professionals and receive meaningful feedback on my works in progress. A great deal of my education has come from these online critiques of my work.” Chris said while it is frustrating, he advises his fellow students in creative careers to use this time of isolation to experiment and try new ways of working. A few weeks ago, Chris began designing a planter. “With this project, I have used new tools like Virtual Reality along with paper modeling as a form of idea generation and prototyping. Also, try to find a balance between work and life that is healthy and that you are happy with.” Tips for Colleges Colleges and universities need to do their best to help students navigate through these unprecedented times. Validation is important. Students are reeling from a sense of loss that goes beyond the transition of classroom learning to virtual learning.
Reaching out for Help If remote learning just isn’t going well for you, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. College students sometimes need a little extra help, even when we are not in the middle of a global pandemic that has shut down life as they know it. Tutors are a great resource during these difficult times. In keeping with the guidelines for social distancing, most tutoring lessons can be conducted online. Interested in learning more about how a tutor can help? Check out some of these online tutoring resources:  Photo Courtesy Mohamed Hassan, Pixabay The new normal. It’s a phrase being thrown around a lot these days, as the majority of the United States adjusts to life under mandatory stay-at-home orders due to COVID-19. Non-essential businesses are closed, with much of the workforce now either unemployed or figuring out how to work from home. Schools also have closed, with some more prepared than others to remotely instruct students. Some parents are now scrambling to maintain work productivity from home while serving as secondary teachers to their children. It is an exhausting and frustrating reality for all involved. Don’t get discouraged! There are ways to help even the most distracted child to adapt to remote learning. Let’s discuss a few strategies parents may find useful. Create a Learning Schedule For schools that have mandated a daily learning schedule with set start and end times, parents will have little flexibility. But for those providing tasks and assignments to be completed for the day with little to no guidance on required hours of participation, establishing a routine is beneficial for everyone. Allow children some input on their daily schedule. Being thrust into this new reality is stressful for children of all ages, so giving them some choice in how remote learning is accomplished will help ease anxiety for everyone. Choose a start and end time for remote learning. It is important to remember that traditional brick and mortar schools build in time for lunch, recess and hallway transitions. So while a typical in-school day may last 7-8 hours, an at-home schedule will likely be 4-5 hours or less. Just as in school, children should be given breaks throughout their at-home learning day. This includes breaks to stretch, for snacks and lunch and even for physical exercise. If your child enjoys gym class at school, work in physical exercise as part of your daily routine. Studies have shown that regular physical exercise throughout the day improves academic performance and the ability to focus. It also relieves stress, which adults and children alike are under a lot of in these uncertain times. Make the physical activity fun and engaging, and if possible, join your children in it. Once the learning schedule is established, do your best to stick with it to provide a sense of normalcy to the new at-home learning experience. Digesting the Material While remote learning is an entirely new experience for a lot of families, it is equally uncharted territory for many educators. Most teachers, especially those of the primary grades, are used to teaching in a classroom in front of their students. Although remote learning is amazing, it is not an equal substitute for the kind of interaction students and teachers experience in the physical classroom together. Try to be understanding and patient with teachers as they work hard to provide online lessons, lectures and other materials to their students. As with anything else, there is a learning curve for all involved. If something isn’t working for your child, reach out to the teacher to provide feedback. Most teachers appreciate honest – and kind – feedback from parents and students and will make accommodations when necessary. Remember, we’re all in this together! Supervision of Learning Most parents are not teachers. If this coronavirus pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that teachers are amazing human beings who should be thoroughly appreciated for their patience with our children. Teaching is hard and it certainly is not for the faint of heart. But here we are, making the best of a situation. For older students, the good news is, they probably need very little assistance in understanding their work and completing it. Many schools are including live or pre-recorded lectures for harder subjects like math and science. Younger children may require more supervision and reminders to stay on task. They also may need more assistance in understanding and completing assignments. If your school is relying on digital learning, including apps and software, children likely will need help logging in and navigating through it. And as we all know, computers and digital devices are wonderful for learning – when they work. Children may find themselves needing help if an app or device isn’t working as it should. Reaching out for Help If remote learning just isn’t going well for you or your children, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Maybe your child is finding Calculus a little hard without the benefit of in-person teaching in the classroom. Or the instructions for that virtual Biology lab are less than clear, and additional information from the teacher hasn’t resolved your issue. Students – and parents – sometimes need a little extra help, even when we’re not in the middle of a global pandemic that has changed the way we educate our children. When that happens, reach out to those who can step in and explain that differential equation or walk through the science lab step-by-step until students understand the lesson behind it. Tutors are a great resource during these difficult times. In keeping with the guidelines for social distancing, most tutoring lessons can be conducted online. Interested in learning more about how a tutor can help? Check out some of these online tutoring resources:  About the Author
Shari L. Berg is an award-winning writer with more than 20 years of experience. Writing is not just a career for Shari. It is her passion. From poetry to short stories, feature stories and blog posts, Shari has spent a lifetime perfecting her art. She is a published author of "Wars End With Me," (2018) and "Pioneer Proud: Celebrating 50 Years of Butler County Community College" (2015).  As the global response to COVID-19 (coronavirus) strengthens, governments worldwide are being forced to take extreme actions to help “flatten the curve” in an effort to gain back control over the spread of this new virus. Among the measures being taken by several states, including Pennsylvania, is mandated “social distancing.” The recommendation from health professionals is for limiting gatherings to no more than 10 people to prevent community spread of the virus. As a result, non-essential businesses are closed, restaurants are limited to curbside pickup and delivery only and residents are being encouraged to stay at home as much as possible. For some companies, the new mandates on social distancing have created a conundrum: their employees are now required to work from home unless they are part of an essential service such as grocery store workers, gas station attendants and healthcare professionals. The sudden move to a 100 percent remote workforce has posed some unique problems. As working professionals enter week two of this new work-at-home reality, some have agreed to share their experiences and how they are adapting to the sudden change. Samantha Supernaw, a clinical social worker and psychotherapist in private practice in Texas, said she has never worked from home until now. The shift from in-office sessions to remote-only sessions was a difficult and time-consuming one. “Instead of enjoying the spring break I had planned, I spent the last week preparing to provide telehealth/teletherapy services to all of my clients and supervisees.” The change required Ms. Supernaw to find a HIPAA-compliant telehealth platform to use, working with various insurance agencies to understand their unique requirements, developing a new informed consent form and reviewing the new protocol with each client prior to their session. “It was like starting my business all over again in some ways.” The one tip she said she would offer any professional now working from home – but especially healthcare workers such as herself – is to use a separate room in your home with a door that can be closed if available. To ensure patient privacy while working from home, Ms. Supernaw said she has employed the use of a white noise machine so that other occupants of her home are unable to hear her sessions. Riva Mann of New Jersey owned and operated a spa party business. When New Jersey Governor issued a “stay-at-home” order for all workers, Mrs. Mann said her only choice was to stop working entirely. “It’s impossible to have a business that involves groups and touching people,” she said. “I’m both sad and relieved about that. A products business that I run with a friend also is on hiatus, as event are right now all cancelled, but maybe someday we’ll do it again when this is over.” Mrs. Mann and her husband also own a hot tub repair business. Because the business is considered essential, they have been able to continue operating it. Still, they are taking precautions to protect themselves and their clients. “We are practicing social distancing when he works, not doing indoor tubs for now, just outside where he can work on his own, and he also has gloves and bleach wipes he carries with him for use. I also am talking to clients about the social distance expectations.” The best piece of advice Mrs. Mann said she can offer others is to make a daily schedule with things to accomplish and scratch them off as they are completed. “It’s easy to free float and procrastinate if you’re not disciplined.” For Pennsylvania couple Beth and Brad Wentz, the adjustment to working full-time at home, while raising their six children, has been a bit rough. Mrs. Wentz is a supervisor for an in-home behavioral therapy nonprofit, while Mr. Wentz works as a banker. Mrs. Wentz is a little more used to working at home, as she previously worked a flexible schedule that allowed her to work from home at least three days per week. Mr. Wentz had previously only worked an average of one day per week from home. “The kids busting in the room when I am on a conference call has been the biggest challenge for me,” said Mr. Wentz. “The biggest challenge for me has been being able to maintain productivity with my job, while making sure my 12th grader, 8th grader, 6th grader and first grader are following what their teachers are requiring,” said Mrs. Wentz. “I find myself doing anything I don’t get done during the day work-wise after everyone goes to bed.” The school district the Wentz’s children currently attend is closed through May 1, but is providing remote education to students. Required work is being sent electronically; parents must oversee the work to ensure it is being completed by the deadlines. It has thrown a monkey wrench into the situation for many working parents who now find themselves attempting to be productive at their jobs from home, while supervising their children’s daily education. One of the ways Mrs. Wentz said she is handling the double duty is by being honest with her children’s teachers about how much they can pull off given their current circumstances. “We are doing the best we can,” she said. “I am lowering my usual expectations for grades and screen time, and remembering that my children will always remember this time, so I am trying to make it fun and memorable.” Marilyn Adams, a second grade teacher for 33 years in Pennsylvania, said students are not the only ones adjusting to the new work-and-learn from home reality. Mrs. Adams said the biggest challenge now is not being able to work directly with her students. “I can send information and lessons to the parents, but I’m not there to personally deliver the instruction.” Mrs. Adams said she remains optimistic and engages in creative ways to keep in touch with her students during remote learning. “I am staying connected to the kids via technology – videos and iPad apps that allow me to provide real-time feedback. This is reassuring to the little ones in this time of uncertainty.” Working at home can be difficult regardless of the job. Mrs. Adams said she encourages everyone to take it one day at a time. “Be patient and flexible and allow time for mistakes. It’s only been a few days, and I’ve learned so much already.”  About the Author
Shari L. Berg is an award-winning writer with more than 20 years of experience. Writing is not just a career for Shari. It is her passion. From poetry to short stories, feature stories and blog posts, Shari has spent a lifetime perfecting her art. She is a published author of "Wars End With Me," (2018) and "Pioneer Proud: Celebrating 50 Years of Butler County Community College" (2015).  I was scrolling through my social media feeds, much as I do every day, partly for professional reasons and partly for personal reasons. I wasn’t expecting to see anything beyond the usual “here’s what I’m having for dinner” type posts or the political musings that seem to flood most every social media outlet these days. Social media, without a doubt, can be a great tool for promoting your business or just staying in touch with family and friends. But it also can be mind-numbingly mundane. My morning pass was proving to be more of the second variety until I scrolled past some words that seemed to jump right off the Facebook post and hit me squarely in the face: He apologized one too many times, and I realized he should not apologize for who he is, rather that I should apologize for thinking he should be anything but himself. Those words could apply to so many situations in life. For me, they immediately made me think of my own 13-year-old son, who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. We were fortunate in that his diagnosis came early in life, enabling him to receive the kind of crucial early intervention services that have made all the difference in the world. But then I got to thinking about all the things my son learns he must do every day to fit the norm society has set for him, and the reality of those words brought tears to my eyes. Why can’t he just be accepted for who he is? Why should he have to mold himself into the societal norms and standards just so others deem him worthy? Those 30 words caused me to take a long, hard look at my stance on how individuals with autism should be treated, and just how much conforming they should be expected to do. It wasn’t the first time I had wondered why the rest of society can’t learn to be more accepting. But it was one of the few times I felt so strongly about it that I have made it my new mission to push for more understanding and acceptance of those on the spectrum – to help others learn how to celebrate the beauty of neurodiversity rather than punishing it. I have Tiffany Hammond to thank for my newfound drive for autism advocacy. A lifelong Texan and mother of two children on opposite ends of the autism spectrum, she recently started a blog called 2 Dollops of Autism. If you haven’t checked it out, you don’t know what you’re missing. Run, don’t walk, right on over to her site and check her out. She also has a Facebook page. I asked Tiffany if she would share some of her most private thoughts with us concerning her autism advocacy, her two beautiful children, Josiah and Aidan, and the motivation that keeps her going when she’d like nothing more than to quit. “I decided to launch (2 Dollops) because writing helps me deal with my most intense emotions,” said Ms. Hammond. “I bottle things up so much that it literally hurts me and others around me.” She’s not just talking about the negative emotions, but also the positive ones. “I needed a way to let those out, so one day I picked up a journal and I didn’t stop writing until I filled three of them in a day.” Like other parents of children with autism, Ms. Hammond gravitated toward autism support groups. What she found was other parents who were struggling with the same issues that she had already gone through with her boys. That’s when she decided to take her knowledge and use it to help others who were struggling. “Then I started to make my own posts. People received them so well I thought maybe I could share more advice and tips, and maybe eventually my own story.” Glazing the Ham 2 Dollops of Autism isn’t the first time Ms. Hammond has blogged about her personal experiences with autism. Several years ago, she decided to get her proverbial toes wet by launching a blog she called GlazedHamm. While she shared some of her thoughts and experiences about autism on the blog, she admits she didn’t take it seriously, neglected it on most days and didn’t own the content she was posting because it was being housed on a free blogging site, not her own domain. “I shut it down and a couple years later, decided it was time to start back up again. I promised I would take it more seriously because writing is my therapy. The challenge in creating new content to put onto a site is my therapy.” Thus was born 2 Dollops of Autism. Finding a Community Everyone needs their tribe. People who love and accept them. Others who know what it is like to struggle with the same things you do. Individuals on the spectrum often struggle to find their tribe, even among others who share their diagnosis. “The hardest part about finding a community is that autism exists on a spectrum, and so do their support groups,” said Ms. Hammond. “Then you have groups for those with severe autism, those for high-functioning autism . . . it’s hard to belong to just one group when so many address the many sides of autism.” While diversifying support for those on the autism spectrum based on severity can be a good thing in some respects, it also comes with its disadvantages. Ms. Hammond has one child who is classified with high-functioning autism, while the other is more severe, making the challenge of finding all the support she needs for both of her children in one place. “On one hand, the group that caters to your specific needs (i.e. severe autism parenting group) can provide you with a ton of support from others who are often drowned out in other groups, but then as a parent of a child on the moderate to high end of the spectrum, I often find many of their posts to be demeaning towards that end of the spectrum. Same with being in other groups and their comments towards parents of children with severe autism.” She hopes that her blog will provide the kind of support that applies to all parents of children with autism, regardless of their placement on the spectrum. From Shaun Murphy to Rainman While struggling to find a place among the autism community can be difficult, it can be even more so when trying to fit in among those who deem themselves as neurotypical. The hardest part about finding community support from the general public is that for the most part, the public's knowledge of autism comes from how they see autism portrayed in film and television, not from actual interaction with someone on the spectrum. With estimates of 1 in every 59 people having autism, Ms. Hammond said it’s hard to imagine that there is anyone out there who doesn't know someone who has autism. “I'm not one of those people who views the general public as purposefully unaccepting and unaccommodating. I think it's that they simply do not know what to do, they do not know how to respond. They don't know what kind of help and support that our loved ones with autism actually need. So they see someone like my oldest, who isn't like Dr. Shaun Murphy on “The Good Doctor,” and they don't know how to respond. They do not know what to do. They don't know what he needs. And it's much easier to ignore the problem than it is to address it.” As a result, Ms. Hammond said she believes there are many communities that are underserving this population. “And then you have those with autism like my youngest, who is more like Dr. Shaun Murphy than my oldest, but they still do not understand his kind of autism. They think it’s quirks and intense shyness. They assume that he will be independent, just as they are, because he is verbal and can do many of the things they can do.” Ms. Hammond said her youngest son’s challenges are written off, with the attitude from some that he should know better. “More understanding is given to my child who is severely impacted by autism than my youngest. The general public does not know what autism actually is, and once they do, they'll be better able to address it.” It is a large part of why she still supports autism awareness and not simply autism acceptance. Common Myths and Misconceptions There are a lot of misconceptions and downright myths when it comes to the general population’s understanding of the autism spectrum. “Not all those with autism are ‘Rainmen,” nor do they have some special hidden talent that will blow your mind,” said Ms. Hammond. Autism is a social-relational disorder, meaning there are deficits in how individuals with autism interact with the world and other people. “You do not realize how important it is for a human to engage with the world until you have met someone who chooses to not do so at all. How we develop biologically, psychologically, emotionally, and physically depends on our interactions and connections with other humans,” said Ms. Hammond. “Because of their autism, they have deficits in communication, relating to others, and forming connections.” One such misconception is that of individuals on the autism spectrum being unable to learn. For example, speech is learned by watching those closest to us and engaging with them. Those with autism are in their own world and they do not engage with others, unless it is on their terms. This can result in speech delays. “People need to understand that simply because someone with autism is delayed or severely impacted in one (or more) areas, doesn't mean that they cannot learn,” she said. “They can still develop these skills. Humans are lifelong learners, including those with autism.” One of the biggest myths about those with autism – and one that is upsetting to many on the spectrum – is the belief that they do not desire a connection with others. “Just because someone has delays or impairments doesn't mean that they do not exhibit any signs of connection with others,” said Ms. Hammond. “Those with autism can show love and emotion for others, they just show it differently. Treat them with dignity and respect, accommodate for their needs, address their deficits appropriately, build up their strengths, and accept them. They have feelings and they understand more than people think.” The Attitude of Gratitude Ms. Hammond doesn’t pull any punches when asked what it’s like to live with autism every day. “My attitude dealing with autism every day, all day, all year long? It's going to suck. It really is. It's also going to be beautiful as hell too. I cry so much, but I also celebrate so many successes that my boys have because I put in the work to get them there. It's okay to cry, to get frustrated, angry. I do all the time, but I don't live in those moments. I have work to do. I can't spend days crying in my room wanting to give up, but I also cannot neglect my own feelings.” Ms. Hammond said she allows herself to cry and be angry because she knows if she keeps it bottled up, she eventually will explode, which is not good for anyone. “So let it out. Take some time for yourself. Self-care is taking care of your children. Make sure you are carving out time for yourself. Then come back refreshed, ready to take on the world again.” She said she has come to the realization that autism is marked by periods of connection and disconnection. “You're going to have so many ups and downs, as are your children. If you spend every waking moment forcing them to enter your world, you're going to be met with pushback, and you damage their trust in you.” Instead, she has chosen to let her children lead the way, to enter their world when they leave hers. When they venture back into her world, she uses that time to work with them, building skills. “I don't embrace the waves as they hit; you get knocked down every single time. I ride the waves. I flow as my children flow, and I adjust often.” Mom, Advocate, College Graduate One of the most inspiring things about Tiffany Hammond isn’t that she’s raising two kids on the spectrum while spending countless hours helping others. It’s the fact that she doing it all while going back to school full time. Already in possession of a bachelor’s degree, she decided to pursue her master’s degree in Applied Psychology with a concentration in Developmental Psychology. She is on track to graduate this May. While going back to school was a challenge, she said technology helped out…a lot. “Colleges and Universities push to make education more accessible to more students – and probably to make more money – and opened up so many opportunities for persons like me to obtain degrees online. When I received my bachelor's years ago, there weren't that many online degree programs. But now, so many schools now offer online degrees. It wasn't hard for me to find a school with the program I wanted and jump right on it.” Ms. Hammond said she is able to learn around her children’s schedule, thanks to courses that allow her to test when she is ready and to turn in assignments whenever she chooses, so long as it’s before the due date. “This freed me up to attend to my children during the day and do my own schooling at night.” In addition to all that she already is doing for the autism community, Ms. Hammond also works as a volunteer advocacy ambassador with Autism Speaks. The position requires her to work with her local Congress members at the federal level to push through initiatives that are helpful to those with autism. A major part of their goals for this year is to get as many members as they can to join the bipartisan Autism Caucus and re-authorization of the Autism Cares Act, which is the foundation for all federal efforts surrounding autism. She also is working hard to get reform in Texas, a state she affectionately refers to as virtually dead in terms of care, supports and services for those with disabilities. “This desperately needs to change. There are wait lists for the Medicaid Waiver programs that are decades long. There is a push to enact policy that will reduce the wait list.” One measure she is focusing on heavily is enabling Medicaid to cover Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) Therapy, which is considered the gold standard for autism therapy. The passage of the bill will not only benefit her two children, but countless others across the state of Texas. Expanding medical marijuana laws also is a top priority for her, as well as increasing the pay for personal healthcare workers. “There are many, many issues with Texas and I am trying to address as many as I can, but I think if I spread myself too thin, they won't get the necessary attention that they need. So, I stick with a few at a time so that I can go all in on them. Once I graduate in May, I can focus a lot more on advocacy.” During the month of April – which is dedicated to autism awareness and acceptance – Ms. Hammond will be creating some Zines with her youngest son, whose creative mind will play an essential role in spreading the message of acceptance. The 2 Dollops of Autism blog also will include lots of tips and awareness items, not only this month, but in the many months to follow. ”I hope that through my site, I can help other families like ours see that not only are they not alone, but they can get through it, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you just need the right tools to see it. I am there to help them find the light.”   I sighed with relief on Monday morning as I watched my book go live on Amazon.
From the time Patrick reached out to me, until the time Wars End With Me went live on Monday, it's been four long years. With the help - and patience - of a lot of people, we've finally brought Patrick's dream to tell his story to fruition. When we started this book nearly four years ago, we had no idea where the journey would lead us – or that it would take so long to get there. But, like the daily battle our veterans and active military personnel who have been diagnosed with PTSD face, we made the commitment to continue on until every word we wanted to share was included somewhere in the pages of this book. First and foremost, we would like to thank our families. Our mothers, fathers, siblings, children and spouses have been our biggest cheerleaders throughout this entire process. You have been there for us, encouraging us when we felt like quitting, and supporting our efforts to bring hope to other veterans struggling with PTSD. We love and appreciate each and every one of you. This book also would not be possible without the assistance and participation of the veterans and medical professionals who agreed to share their stories and their advice to others struggling with PTSD in the pages of this book. Thank you for your bravery and for your honesty in chronicling your ongoing battle with PTSD. To Dr. Sudip Bose, a heartfelt thank you for not only sharing your efforts to bring awareness to PTSD and abolish the stigma surrounding it, but for continuing to fight for the health and well-being of our veterans. Our readers will want to check out The Battle Continues, Dr. Bose’s nonprofit organization that is dedicated to raising awareness and providing assistance to veterans who have returned from war. Information about the organization can be found in the Resources section of this book. To Kate Dahlstedt, co-founder of Soldier’s Heart clinical psychologist, your candidness about women veterans and PTSD is greatly appreciated. Oftentimes, women veterans struggling with PTSD can be overlooked. But the trauma is just as real and devastating for them as it is for their male counterparts. Additionally, your sharing of the Soldier’s Heart program protocol for the book is something we especially appreciate, as we feel it is something that truly can make a difference in the lives of those who have picked up this book in their quest to be understood and helped. Information about Soldier’s Heart can be found in the Resources section of this book. To Dr. Roger Brooke, a licensed psychologist and Director of the Military Psychological Services at the Duquesne University Psychology Clinic, thank you for sharing your perspective on how PTSD not only affects the mind, but also the soul. Your words, combined with those of Kate Dahlstedt, provide powerful credence to the belief that PTSD trauma resides not in the mind, but in the soul. It is our hope that your words encourage veterans to consider tackling their PTSD in a way that they may not have previously considered. To Samantha Supernaw, a licensed therapist who shared her successes with a specific form of counseling protocol for individuals with PTSD, thank you for taking the time to share this groundbreaking therapy method with our readers, and for your willingness to continue to hone your skills and expertise so that you may be a resource for our veterans. To our editor, Peter Bosak, who helped us to bring this manuscript to life in a readable format, thank you for being a part of this journey. Your wordsmithing abilities have been truly appreciated. And lastly, to the veterans and their families who have dedicated their lives in service to this country, we appreciate you the most. We hope those of you who are struggling with PTSD – whether you are an active military member, a veteran or a loved one – find the contents of this book to be helpful to you, providing a sense of peace in knowing that others share in your journey, and the encouragement to continue the battle. Find our book here on Amazon. |